I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize