i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
