yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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