I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
two words...techno handjob
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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