I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
