Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
