Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
