I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
