Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
