Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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