My sheets look like a crime scene.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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