Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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