Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
