Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
