i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
