I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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