just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
