between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
