I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The Olympian is in my bed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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