Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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