Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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