Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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