Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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