woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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