I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
