Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
