You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
