Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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