my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
