I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
