Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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