Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
