i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
