sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
