Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize