Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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