Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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