I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
