I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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