Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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