I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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