just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
