I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
