if only i could text you this smell
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
