I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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