Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I died a long time ago.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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