can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
