when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
