textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
