New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize