I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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