I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
