I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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