thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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