I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
