All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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