you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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