I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
