youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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