you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
