just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
