i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
