Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
