Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
