Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
