I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
