My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
