he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
