Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
