burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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