Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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