Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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