Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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