yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I forget how to act sober
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
