i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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